Waving goodbye to my Twenties

Today is the last day of my twenties, and as my step daughter will tell you and much to her amusement, my moto this year has been “Fuck it, I’m in the last year of my twenties.” This moto has led me to trying new things, eating the extra bit of cake, wearing the crazy clothes and eventually to my ’30 ways to celebrate being 30’ activities (blog post about this follow).

Today I am feeling emotional, which is presenting itself in my mood and physically, but I want to promise myself to continue with my ‘fuck it’ attitude. It has released me from many of my anxieties and stress triggers. One example of this, is the letting go of the need for a perfectly clean and tidy house at all times. I used to religiously deep clean the house once a week, and tidy and hoover every evening whilst Matt was bathing Miri. I’d also tidy up the whole house before we went out. Nowadays, if you randomly pop in (I’ll still tidy and clean if we have guests – I’m not that radical!), you’ll find toys about the place, washing in the baskets and dog hair in the corners; however, you’ll also find our family having fun together, watching films or out and about with Daisy Dog. At bath-time you’ll find me chatting away with Matt and Miri in the bathroom. There is a much more relaxed attitude to life in our house and its just lovely.

Rather than feel upset about leaving my twenties and focus on it being the end of an era, I want to practice gratitude and say thanks to my twenties. I achieved and enjoyed so much and so to be mindful of this, I have taken the time to list the things I am thanking my twenties for (in date-ish order, not order of importance):

·         My degree – BA (HONS) Psychology 2:1

·         Moving out of home

·         Bringing Cassie Cat home as a 6 week old kitten (He’s now 9!)

·         My first full time job – teaching assistant

·         The first yoga class I went to

·         Discovering the Mooncup

·         My nose piercing 

Enjoying myself in O'Neils 

          ·         The first rung on the property ladder – my flat

·         My friends (trips to The Edge, failed trips to the beach, Friday nights at the local pub)

·         My PGCE (Teaching qualification)

·         My first teaching job

·         The decision to leave my first teaching job

·         Ex-boyfriends, who taught me what I don’t want in a partner and what love isn’t

·         Friends picking me up and putting me back together after break ups

·         Working in nurseries with fantastically gorgeous and inquisitive toddlers and pre-schoolers

·         All my work colleagues who then become friends

·         Our holiday of a lifetime – two weeks in Florida (Disney, Discovery Cove, my first rollercoaster at Sea World, Universal studios, and so much more)

Our Christmas presents in 2013 - a trip to Florida!

·         Discovering and researching Veganism

·         The emotional breakdown I had when turning 25

·         Falling in love with Matt instantly

·         Being proposed to on Croyde Beach and saying yes (after taking a photo of Matt on one knee)

·         Seeing a personal trainer

·         Marrying my soulmate

·         Gaining a step-daughter, the gorgeous Abi

·         The most incredible Honeymoon travelling round Italy (Rome, Florence, Venice and Lake Garda)

Drinking red wine and cocktails in Florence 

·         Seeing my Hubby jump out of a plane on his 40^th

·         Falling pregnant (and particularly the first scan when I saw Miri for the first time and instantly became a mom)

·         A life changing, painful and ever lasting birth experience

·         My daughter Miri-May

·         The decision to leave teaching in the past

·         Post-Natal depression

·         CBT and other counselling sessions

·         Becoming an Auntie for the first time

·         Staring up and running a successful business

·         Bringing Daisy Dog into our family and seeing Miri and Daisy’s friendship blossom

·         Finally getting a diagnosis (coeliac disease) and consequently feeling the most well I’ve ever felt

·         Embarking on a Wildventure with my darling husband

Wow! What a ten years! Here’s to the next!

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Marriage: Why my husband and I are destined to last a lifetime

This weekend my husband and I had a quite the blow up, which resulted in him walking out and me saying those dreaded words: “Why don’t we just break up?!”

Looking back, I now understand the reasons it went that far, with me being pre-menstrual and him having a cold and being exhausted. A tiny bicker, which would normally have been laughed off by one of us, snowballed into shouting, slamming doors and him walking out. We were both living the argument in highly emotive states, governed by our hormones and bodily conditions. It’s not unusual for Matt and I to buck heads; we are both Leos with big personalities who like to be right and to win! However, we normally release this energy healthy ways, such as political debates and card games (with my being the long-term reigning champion of Shithead by the way!), walking out and declaring a break up are not normal occurrences and it unnerved us both.

Us in our fave spot 

Here’s the thing though, reflecting on the weekend has made me feel more secure and more determined than ever that we are destined to last a lifetime. After Matt walked out, I rang him. Then he rang me. Then I rang him. Then he rang me and left a voicemail. Then he came home again. 20 minutes and four calls later, Matt was back home. Obviously, we didn’t just slip back into normal life right away, but for the sake of our toddler we spent the rest of the day as a family and just got on with it. Reading this situation fills me with such joy and is almost laughable. Once our emotional states were calming and we had taken a breather from each other, we realised that this wasn’t what either of us wanted at all. The amount of phone calls itself tell us that we never really wanted to be apart or stop communicating. We let our emotions override our connection in the moment, but we were both determined to reconnect and be back to normal.

Honeymoon <3

This pure determination that Matt and I both have to make our relationship work is the reason that it will work, and it will work forever. We both want our marriage to succeed, we want to love each other fully, we want to show each other how much we care, we want to make each other happy, we want to forgive instantly, we want to support each other, we want to have fun, we both want this more than anything. There is nothing but unconditional love and determination in our hearts, and that fiery Leo drive that can escalate arguments can also be translated as unbreakable passion. We are connected by our love, passion and drive for our marriage and our family. And now our Wildventure is taking this to another level. 

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me . . . everyday.” The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks.

Yes, there may be tense moments, but these fleeting moments have nothing on our true and raw  connection.

With my husband’s birthday coming up on Saturday, I’d like to end this post by saying:

“Happy birthday to my daring gorgeous husband, let’s go Yurt it up! Woop Woop!”

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