“Baby, you’re a firework. Come on, let your colours burst”

Imagine this . . . Your husband hasn’t been himself for a while, just a bit grumpier and snappier than normal, seemingly lost in daydreams some of the time. You wait for an uneventful day and quiet evening to gently ask if everything’s ok. Your expecting the usual answer: “I’m fine, just tired” or “It’s just work.” You're expecting to give him a hug and both agree that everything will be ok in the end. What you’re not expecting is what happened to me a couple of months ago. It went something like this:

“No, everything’s not ok. I hate my job, I hate working in an office 9-5. I want to be outside, it’s awful being indoors all day every day. But I can’t quit my job because we have a mortgage to pay. I also hate where we live, I feel claustrophobic and like everything’s closing in on me. I want a bigger house, I want our daughters to have their own rooms, I want to see fields from my garden, I want to spend the weekends gardening and teaching our daughter bush crafts. But we can’t move and stay in the town we live now because we’ve been outpriced by the housing market. I feel like I’m an awful dad and husband because I’m not present or jolly enough. I want to be kinder and play with you both when you’re playing. But I can’t because I just don’t feel happy.”

Woah! Talk about dropping a bombshell!

The look on my husband’s face was one I can only describe as heartbreak and exhaustion mixed into one. Tears were shed, cuddles were had, and many cups of tea were poured that evening, my mind racing and jumping all over the place. In the space of an hour, my life had gone from pretty cushty to completely up in the air.

My husband leaving his job would mean us loosing our main source of income. How would we pay the bills? What would we live off? What job would he do? What about childcare? Would I need to change my job?

Moving to a new house would mean moving out of the county we currently live in; Moving away from my family, our friends, our jobs, our daughter’s friends and childcare. Infact, it would mean moving away from everything I’ve ever known as I’ve only ever lived in this town!

All these questions and thoughts ran through my mind as I comforted my husband. These changes are not little adaptations to our current life in order to create a better work:life balance. This a complete life shake up. This is going somewhere completely new and starting again. This is changing everything our daughter’s ever know.

Eventually, my husband looked me in the eyes and said: “What do you think?”

I looked back at him, holding his hand and answered with my gut instinct guiding me as always: “Let’s do it! Let’s go get the life we dream of!”

“Leaving what feels secure behind and following the beckoning of our hearts doesn’t always end as we expect or hope. But here’s the payoff: it can be amazing, wonderful and immensely satisfying.” Steve Goodier.

My husband has been here for me through thick and thin. He’s coaxed me along during anxiety attacks, he didn’t leave my side through the 32 hour birth of our daughter, he’s picked me up from the puddle of tears I’ve led in during post-natal depression, he’s got up every single morning at 6 am since our daughter was born because he knows tiredness is my main trigger for an anxious/depressive episode, he’s given up eating foods containing gluten since my coeliac diagnosis, he doesn’t snap back if I’m being hormonal, he encourages me to follow my dreams, supporting all my projects. My husband continuously forgives, encourages and loves unconditionally. He is an incredibly attentive husband and dad. And hence the only answer I could possibly have given to his upset, is one of absolute support and positivity.

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Robert Quillen.

Since that evening, we have each written a list of our dream lives. Imagine your perfection . . . Where would you be living? What would your home look like? How would you earn an income? What would your family look like? How would you spend your spare time? We both answered these questions and then, over a delicious glass of red one spring evening, we tentatively compared our notes. And guess what?! Our dream lives are exactly the same!

We are going to live in a house in the countryside with at least three bedrooms, a garage or some outbuildings and a garden big enough to grow veg, have a mud kitchen, plant flowers and have a bbq. We are going to be free from 9-5 employment, we will earn an income creatively and hopefully through our property (e.g. b&b or airb&b). We will live a simple life and be much more in tune with nature (e.g. making our own beauty and cleaning products, and growing fruit and veg in the garden, following the seasons). We will home educate our daughter using the outside as our classroom, following her natural curiosity and love for learning. We will eat healthily and exercise regularly, incorporating yoga and meditation. We will live as a unit and our lifestyle will very much be family, nature and home based.

We have also decided on three core family values that will overarch everything we do:

· Live your truth

· Live compassionately

· Live cleanly

My husband and I floated around in an excited cloud for a few weeks, searching on Right Move for gorgeous houses and keeping this our own little secret. But then real life took over and we slipped back into our normal weekly routine. The grumpiness returned. One afternoon I saw a fantastic quote whilst scrolling aimlessly through the internet (as you do!): “A dream written down with a date becomes a goal. A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan. A plan backed by action becomes reality.”

My husband and I broke out the red again and put a date on our dream life. We will be living our dream life by Easter weekend 2019.

“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.” Fawn Weaver.

This blog will document our journey in an honest and real way, I’ll talk about all aspects of our dream to live a simple, nature-based lifestyle. This is the start of something great and I’d love for you to follow along.

What does your dream life look like? Let me know in the comments below!